mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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