Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
