so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
