Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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