Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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