she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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