I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
