That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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