Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
