wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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