all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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