Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
