I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
