I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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