JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
