I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
