Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
