we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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