I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
