Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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