its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
