You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
