She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
