I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
