I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
