I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
