Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
