i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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