That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
