I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
