We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
