please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When did angry sex become our thing?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
