He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ladies don't puke and tell
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
