I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
