why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
