for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
