I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
