You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
