I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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