We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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