I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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