so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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