i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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