I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
