I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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