i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
