I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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