I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
