ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize