1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize