i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
do nipples grow back?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
