My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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