i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
