dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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