Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i've created a new STD.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
