My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is the high leading the old right now
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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