she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My pussy is not your playground.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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