Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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