you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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