Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
