his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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