You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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