It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
