Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
